Tuesday, October 26, 2010


Sometimes my mom and I will each be holding a baby. Then we'll start talking as if we are the baby we're holding. This is how our conversation went this morning....

Me as Hazel: "Look at me, look at me. I can stand up sooooo good."

Mom as Lucy: "You think you're sooooo special just because you can stand up. Well I can do anything you can do."

Mom then lifts Lucy up as if she were standing. (She can't stand yet)

Me as Hazel: "You're cheating."

Mom as Lucy: "I may not be brawny like you but I'm brainy."

Me as Hazel: "What are you talking about? I'm highly intelligent."

Me as Me: "This is sick. "

You know you're not getting out enough when you treat your children like barbies.

Monday, October 25, 2010

I'll never look at jalapenos the same

My mom keeps bugging me to post on here. I don't know why because I tell her everything. The truth is, that I've been avoiding posting. Surgery is coming up which means I'm a mess. We're all a mess. I'm the only one who is going crazy though. My anxiety is at an all time high. I've never experienced anything like this in my life. My dad is in town and my crazy anxiety has become a frequent topic of discussion. It's suffocating.

The last year has been such a roller coaster. I have felt more joy in the past three months than I ever have before. My pregnancy was physically the worst I've ever felt in my life. A week before the girls were born I cut up a bunch of jalapenos. My hands were burning for hours. Nothing helped the pain and I tried EVERYTHING. I kept thinking... why would heavenly father need me to go through this? Don't I feel crappy enough already? I stayed up late into the night, scrubbing my hands with salt, washing my hands with alcohol and soaking my hands in baking soda. Nothing helped. I was exhausted. I couldn't stay up any longer. I filled a ziplock bag with ice, went to bed, and rested my hands on the bag. I must have fallen asleep within minutes. When I woke up the next morning my hands were completely better. There was no trace of the agony I had been in the night before. I feel like I'm in the same position now. I'm trying everything I can think of to make everything better again. Deep down I know there is nothing I can do. I have to let go. I know it's just a matter of time before the dust settles. I know that someday soon I won't be constantly worried about one of my babies. I keep thinking about my hands. At the time I felt that they would never be better again. I imagined going into labor with my hands in a bowl of baking soda. Thankfully the burning stopped.

I could have never imagined a year ago when I found out I was pregnant the change that would occur in our lives. When I look in the mirror I feel like I've aged much more than one year. I look old now. I feel old now. I'm not bothered by this as much as I would have thought. I don't care that I drive a minivan or that I'm lucky if I can shower three times a week. I have a greater appreciation for my family. They love me and I love them. Everything else will heal itself.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

I bet you didn't know..

I was telling Chuck a story yesterday when my mom turned to Chuck and said, "How many times has she told you this story." He said, "probably four." They began to make fun of how I always tell the same stories over and over again. In my defense, half of the time no one is listening anyway. So I decided I would share a few things I'm sure I haven't told most of you. If you know more than three things on this list I might have to give you a prize.

1.When Chuck has to pee, he says he has to "tinkle sprinkle"(He may divorce me for telling you that)
2. I have a bald spot on my head
3. I tell people my favorite color is red but I don't really even like red
4. Chuck does not laugh at my jokes
5. I used to think twins were tacky
6. If we ever build a house I want the master bathroom to have his and her toilets
7. If I have to bring one child with me somewhere I take Hazel
8. Our bedroom is always the messiest room in the house
9. We wanted to name Jack, Root Wrigley, but we're very glad we didn't
10. Jack kept calling me monster yesterday

Now that I look at this. I think a lot of you may already know these things. Forget about the prize. :)

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

surgery time

Lucy is scheduled for surgery on Nov. 4. This will be her first of two open heart surgeries she'll need this year. We only found out this morning when she was scheduled.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Recent pictures

"I'm with sleepy."

"Wow Sis, with that flower you don't even notice your helmet."
"These cheeks may drip right off my face."
Lucy getting ready for her cath.
Dad thinks she looks pretty dang cute in that hospital gown.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Lucy's cardiac cath

I'm currently at the hospital with Lucy and Chuck. We are waiting for Lucy to be discharged. Lucy was supposed to be going home tomorrow but her cardiac cath didn't quite go as planned so we get to leave early. It turns out her arteries are too small and the muscles around the heart are too big for her to have a stent put in. She'll need to have open heart surgery before her total repair. Not fun. Our doctor will meet with the surgeons on Friday and they will decide what exactly will be with Lucy's heart. Her surgery will be in the next few weeks and she'll probably be in the hospital for 5-10 days. We have felt your prayers and appreciate the love that you continue to show our family.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Hazel's Surgery and Lucy's Too

This has been a crazy week. We had 5 doctor's appointments. Hazel had post-op appointments on Wed and Lucy had pre-op appointments today. On Tuesday Lucy will be having her 2nd cardiac cath which will require her to spend a night in the hospital. From the cath they may put in a stent or they will tell us she needs open heart surgery where they will put in a shunt. That would be the same surgery she was supposed to have when she was first born but we were able to avoid.
I've put in some pictures from Hazel's surgery. They're all out of order so you'll just have to ignore that.

Doesn't she look sad.
Hazel had 2 incisions. Bone was cut the width of the incisions from one scar to the other (so her head feel pretty mushy right now).
Hazel's head before the surgery.
Hazel in the hospital cafeteria with her new helmet. I hate the helmet. Hazel hates the helmet. But we are doing better with it every day. I think it will be better when she has better head control.
Those family pictures were taken by a friend the day before Hazel's surgery. I'm really glad we did it. I almost didn't have them done because I had a really bad headache that day, our house had flooded the night before and I hadn't found any time to shower. I kept thinking about how crazy things would be after her surgery so I gave in and I'm glad we did. I have really great friends out here that I am really grateful for.