I still cry a lot. All the time really. But somehow I'm not really depressed. It almost impossible to explain. I miss my daughter terribly. But I feel more hope than fear. I'm so grateful for that. I know it's been a gift from God. I don't want to let my sadness take away from the beauty of my other children. I love them more than ever. I want to be a good mother to them. Nothing seems important anymore except my family. Lucy's death has made me cherish my family. I've avoided blogging because it's painful but I think I need to focus more on all the wonderful things in my life. So here are a few little beauties...
The first thing Jack said to me today, "mom, you are so beautiful." I of course looked like death.
My nephew asked me today if I'd ever died. I tried to explain to him about death. He told me that Lucy is in her REAL house now. I asked him what he meant. He said, "I don't know!"
Jack is finally Potty trained!
I watched my sisters kids the other day when she went to the hospital. When she got back Jack said, "Carlie, you not died!" he obviously has some baggage.
Watching Hazel jump on the trampoline....naked.
And of course, throwing rocks in Provo Canyon. And feeling Lucy there with us.
What dorks.
