Saturday, July 30, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
I was standing next to my daughter in the ICU and a nurse was doing something to her that was very scary and painful. She looked at me with those eyes. I know if she could talk, she would have said, "stop them mom! Help me. Why are you letting them do this to me. I know you love me so why aren't you stopping this."
In my mind I answered her, "Lucy I love you. I wouldn't let this happen to you if I didn't know it was helping you. You have to go through this if you are going to be healed. It won't feel like this forever. This will help you get better."
She kept her eyes on me and when the nurse was done I scooped her up and held her tight. She hugged me back, even though I let her go through that pain. In that moment holding her I knew I needed the faith of this child.
Today I wanted to cry out to my Heavenly Father, "Fix this! Don't put my child through this. Why are you letting this happen? I know you love us so why would you do this?"
It was then I realized I had answered my own questions. "Eliza, I love you. I wouldn't let this happen to you if I didn't know it was helping you. You have to go through this if you are going to be healed. It won't feel like this forever. This will help you be better."
We all are going to be given trials that will test us. If we have faith Iike Lucy, our Heavenly Father will be there waiting to pick us up. We have to keep our eyes on Him even through the darkest and most confusing times.
We've been so blessed to be here at this time. We have the most amazing friends and family and I feel us being lifted up by the prayers of so many. In the past when bad things happened to those I loved, I would ache for them. It's easy to think that our worry isn't helping anyone. I believe we can literally bare one another's burdens just as our Savior did for us. I have never heard this taught, but during hard times with my daughter, I have felt my burdens become light. I feel people carrying the worry with me. Thank you.
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Wednesday, July 27, 2011
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Monday, July 25, 2011
Trying to crawl. What a tangled mess!
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Saturday, July 23, 2011
After looking at those pictures from my last post, I just knew something was wrong. I just couldn't believe how puffy Lucy looked. Those pics were posted right after a phone call I got from my Dad. He, my mom, big sis and niece were on their way to the airport when he called. He suggested I take Lucy in for a chest x-ray. I kinda yelled at him. Actually, I cried at him but in our family it's interpreted the same way. It stressed me out. With my parents on their way to France and my other sis in Lake Powell the idea of getting a chest x-ray way too stressful. When you get told nothing is wrong so many times you begin to believe it. But after the phone call and looking at those pictures I really felt like we needed to do something.
When Chuck got home that night I had him call Kansas City. I was shocked when they patched him through to an actual cardiologist. He told us to take Lucy to the ER in the morning. So we dropped the other kids off at Chuck's parents house and we headed up o Salt Lake.
We had multiple tests done. They all came back pretty normal except for one. Her BNP. The test measures how hard the heart is working. A normal range is between 0-100 anything above that is considered heart failure. Anything above 900 is considered severe heart failure. Lucy's was 3000. She is now in the ICU on a drug called Milrinone. She was on it after both of her open heart surgeries. It takes some of the work off the heart. She had another BNP this morning and it was down to 2000. So the drug is helping. Because it's a three day weekend here in Utah they won't be giving her an MRI until Tuesday then on Wednesday the will discuss the possibility of a cardiac cath and hopefully have it on Thursday. My parents get back on Friday.
The scary thing is that there was nothing that suddenly changed. She's been grunting a little more than usual, more puffy than usual and for the last two weeks her sats were a little low. But nothing that was screaming "heart failure." We even took her to a pediatrician who told us she wasn't in heart failure a week and a half ago.
The cardiologist kept telling us that it is really good we came in when we did. It makes me sick to think we could have missed this. We were going to spend the weekend at my parents cabin. It would have been really easy to put this off until after our little trip to the cabin. I so glad we listened to that little voice telling us something was wrong.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Lucy was second and came what felt like seconds after Hazel. There were so many people in the room.
I got one quick look at Lucy before they took her up to the NICU. Dad went with you Lucy. I didn't want you to be alone.
Lucy your oxygen sats were way better than anyone expected but they moved you to Children's Mercy a couple hours later just to be safe. Dad followed the ambulance in his car.
I don't remember how I got back to the recovery room, or how sweet Hazel ended up in my arms. I had so much fun bonding with Hazel for the next four days and I couldn't wait to do the same with Lucy.
I knew this year was going to be hard. I did everything to prepare myself for just how hard it would be. Until you go through something, you just can't know. We've seen greater miracles than I could have ever hoped for.