Friday, March 23, 2012

Finding Joy

I still cry a lot. All the time really. But somehow I'm not really depressed. It almost impossible to explain. I miss my daughter terribly. But I feel more hope than fear. I'm so grateful for that. I know it's been a gift from God. I don't want to let my sadness take away from the beauty of my other children. I love them more than ever. I want to be a good mother to them. Nothing seems important anymore except my family. Lucy's death has made me cherish my family. I've avoided blogging because it's painful but I think I need to focus more on all the wonderful things in my life. So here are a few little beauties...

The first thing Jack said to me today, "mom, you are so beautiful." I of course looked like death.

My nephew asked me today if I'd ever died. I tried to explain to him about death. He told me that Lucy is in her REAL house now. I asked him what he meant. He said, "I don't know!"

Jack is finally Potty trained!

I watched my sisters kids the other day when she went to the hospital. When she got back Jack said, "Carlie, you not died!" he obviously has some baggage.

Watching Hazel jump on the trampoline....naked.

And of course, throwing rocks in Provo Canyon. And feeling Lucy there with us.

What dorks.

Friday, March 9, 2012


I know I've been terrible at blogging lately but I've been feeling pretty blue. Chuck is back in school and for whatever reason it seems to have triggered a lot of emotions in me.
Before chuck started up again we took a trip down to Disneyland. We went with my Mom, my sister Carlie and her kids and we brought Chuck's oldest niece Hailey. We left Hazel behind with Chuck's mom and I'm so glad we did. We needed to keep the adult to child ratio in check.

Waiting for Peter Pan.

Jack's hair is amazing with a little humidity.

One went to the beach one day and everyone loved it. It was freezing and Jack got soaking wet.

It was Hailey's first time seeing the Ocean.

Carlie's cute kiddies.

I don't know why but this is how Jack smiles for pictures now.

The kids loved meeting characters.

Dale pretty much tackled Jack and Jessie to the floor.

Jack was pretty scared of Hook.