Thursday, October 3, 2013

It's early in the morning and I can't sleep. Two years ago today we woke up one of our sleeping babies and took her to the hospital for what would be the last time. She was so tired that morning she laid nuzzled on my chest like a newborn. I wish I could go back to that morning. She was terrified when she realized we were back at the hospital. We'd just spent 10 days at home after three long months of living at the hospital. She didn't want to be back. I wish I could erase this memory from my mind forever, but I remember perfectly. We spoke that morning with her surgeon. I asked how long they expected recovery to take. His answer was 2-3 days in the ICU and then a week or so on the floor. She never made it to the floor. Ten days after this surgery we lost her.



This was the last time I held my little girl like this. This was the last time she was Lucy. I miss her more than I can say. I see her face looking out from her siblings sometimes but it's not enough. I am so happy that this amazing child is part of our family. I'm so glad I was able to be her mother. She changed me forever.
I've been feeling overwhelmed lately with residency. It's hell. Chuck is on what is considered an easy rotation. He get's a day off on Saturday and it will be the first one he's had in three weeks. His next day off will be in another 2 weeks. Somedays I just don't feel like Chuck and I are cut out for this. We're weekend people. In fact we're like.....long weekend people. Then I remember Lucy and how much she endured and how well she endured it. She was so much tougher than I will ever be.

6 comments:

Raelyn said...

Eliza....
Anniversaries after losing a loved one--birthdays, death dates, etcetera--are painfully hard. All I can do is send one long virtual embrace your way!! ;)
--Raelyn

The Reynolds said...

We think of you and your family often. You are definitely strong whether you think so or not. Lucy is a special part of your family and she continues to touch so many people by how bravely she endured her trials. We miss having you all here in KC but are glad to see you liking your new home.

Scooby and Jon said...

I just want you to know you're in our prayers today.

lynsie said...

You guys can do it. I felt like we were in hell Steve's first year of residency. Second year is so much better I promis. You can do it

Carlie said...

I saw this post a few days ago but didn't read it because I wasn't ready to cry. Bawl would have been a better word. You're stronger than me. You rise in the face of struggle. You get it from mom. Just remember, blessings often come after the trial of faith. Xoxo

Raelyn said...

Eliza....
Happy Halloween!! ;-O
--Raelyn