I'm completely done with Easter baskets and almost done with preparations for Chuck and Jack's birthday (It's the same day, did ya know? May 2nd) It may seem a little early but I've decided It's important that we celebrate this year and I'm not sure how much I'm going to feel like it in a few weeks.
Chuck has been jipped out of a good birthday for the last few years. Three years ago on his birthday I was in the hospital, giving birth. Needless to say Chuck was overlooked. The next year Jack turned one! I kind of forgot about Chuck again. Then last year I was determined to do something special but the unthinkable happened. One week before Chuck and Jack's birthday we were at the perinatologists office for the first time. He began to describe problems he thought he saw with Baby A's heart. He said he didn't know for sure but he'd send us to a cardiologists the following week. For a week I mourned for my baby. I don't remember much of a party for anyone. The day after their birthday, it was confirmed the fetus we had named Lucy would be born with a severe case of Tetralogy of Fallot. Bad birthday. This year we are facing another open heart surgery. Lucy meets with her cardiologist this week. From there we will most likely begin the process of making arrangements for her next surgery.
The anticipation of a child's surgery is horrible. Our experience after Hazel's surgery was so scary that I almost wasn't that worried for Lucy. I thought that surely we wouldn't have another scare as bad as that. How wrong I was. Lucy came out of the surgery because Heavenly Father wanted her here. Nothing the surgeons did could have saved her after things went bad. I try so hard to remind myself that Lucy's little life in the hands of a loving Father in Heaven. A father that I am striving to trust completely.
I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. We recently had a conference where we heard from our prophet and other great men who receive revelation from God for us. The talks that were given felt like they were meant for me. I started listening to the first session about an hour late. The first thing I heard was a story about a little girl in an ICU. She described the angels that were there to her family. A few days earlier my mom and I had been talking about Lucy's angels. I'm sure my own brother who died as an infant has been looking over her. I missed most of Elder Scott's talk and felt the impression that I needed to go back and listen to it. It ended up being my favorite talk of the whole conference. It was on marriage and family. He shared a story about his own child that died of a heart defect. It made me feel like my Heavenly Father is aware of me and knew what I needed to hear. I love general conference, there is nothing else like it. Making people want to be better without passing judgement or slathering on guilt is such a gift and it seems like every speaker somehow accomplishes it.
I'm anxious for the appointment this week. Lucy has been slowly going downhill. She passed out yesterday in Chuck's arms. He isn't too concerned but I'm feeling like Wednesday can't come soon enough. Did you know Shaun White has Tetralogy of Fallot. It's true. And I saw him the other day at Festival Foods (Our grocery store) :)
Sorry for the length.