Monday, September 26, 2011

Life is tough right now. It's really hit me the last few days. I always get nervous before one of my children has a surgery but this time it's different. We don't know when it will be. We aren't familiar with the hospital, doctors or even city it will be in. I have to completely abandon my other kids for who knows how long. This surgery is important. Even if everything goes exactly as the surgeon wants, we can't really know how much it will help. People are always telling me how good Lucy looks but the truth is she looks horrible. Her skin is mottled and covered in scars from all the IV pokes, chest tubes and horrible rash she had in the hospital. We are so happy to have her home but she's still sick. We still have to treat her like she's sick.
We don't many normal things with her. Every evening since she's been home we take a walk around the neighborhood. I look forward to it and I think both of my girls do to. The rest of the day we watch movies, take naps (the kids) and try to keep track of all the medicines we have to give.
I went to church today, it was rough. I haven't been in so long and I was an emotional wreck. I brought Jack with me who is consistently a monster at church. Before the meeting even started he was showing signs that he was going to be horrible. I just prayed that he would be good at least during the sacrament. As we were sitting there and asked my sister if she had a picture of Jesus. She pulled out a little book she had made with different pictures in it. Jack sat on my lap and we looked through it together. I explained all the pictures to him. When we were done we sat for a few minutes in silence. My little boy folded his arms and said a little prayer. "Heavenly Father, Thank you for Momma and Daddy. Thank you for Hazel and Lucy. Thank you for Gammy and Grandpa. Thank you for Grandma and Grandpa. In the name of Jesus Christ Amen." It is always the same prayer with Jack but today I found it so touching. Jack doesn't understand who he's praying to or why we do it, but he does know what's important to him. His family is the most important thing. It was a tender mercy that he was so good for me today. Sometimes it's the little things that make us feel not so alone and like our Heavenly Father is there and listening.

1 comment:

Anaise said...

I'm sorry life is especially tough right now. You have so very many good reasons to worry, but I'll pray for you to be able to let go of them and live one day at a time--finding the little joys as they come. (You're clearly doing that already, but it can't hurt to pray for it to be easier.)

And your sweet, frustrated Jack must have the spirit of an angel to be the big brother to two such special sisters. Here's wishing him opportunity to run and jump and yell and be as noisy and full of mischief as his little body needs to be! And here's wishing you the energy and mental ability to keep up with children with such totally different needs!!!