Life is tough right now. It's really hit me the last few days. I always get nervous before one of my children has a surgery but this time it's different. We don't know when it will be. We aren't familiar with the hospital, doctors or even city it will be in. I have to completely abandon my other kids for who knows how long. This surgery is important. Even if everything goes exactly as the surgeon wants, we can't really know how much it will help. People are always telling me how good Lucy looks but the truth is she looks horrible. Her skin is mottled and covered in scars from all the IV pokes, chest tubes and horrible rash she had in the hospital. We are so happy to have her home but she's still sick. We still have to treat her like she's sick.
We don't many normal things with her. Every evening since she's been home we take a walk around the neighborhood. I look forward to it and I think both of my girls do to. The rest of the day we watch movies, take naps (the kids) and try to keep track of all the medicines we have to give.
I went to church today, it was rough. I haven't been in so long and I was an emotional wreck. I brought Jack with me who is consistently a monster at church. Before the meeting even started he was showing signs that he was going to be horrible. I just prayed that he would be good at least during the sacrament. As we were sitting there and asked my sister if she had a picture of Jesus. She pulled out a little book she had made with different pictures in it. Jack sat on my lap and we looked through it together. I explained all the pictures to him. When we were done we sat for a few minutes in silence. My little boy folded his arms and said a little prayer. "Heavenly Father, Thank you for Momma and Daddy. Thank you for Hazel and Lucy. Thank you for Gammy and Grandpa. Thank you for Grandma and Grandpa. In the name of Jesus Christ Amen." It is always the same prayer with Jack but today I found it so touching. Jack doesn't understand who he's praying to or why we do it, but he does know what's important to him. His family is the most important thing. It was a tender mercy that he was so good for me today. Sometimes it's the little things that make us feel not so alone and like our Heavenly Father is there and listening.