Monday, January 2, 2012

2011

Last year at about this time I was feeling very discouraged about the upcoming year. I just wished it could be over. Well here we are. It's over. I'm so glad I didn't know then what I know now. We didn't know Lucy was going to die. We thought we were through the worst by June. Little did we know it was just beginning. A lot of people have expressed their relief that 2011 is over and are hopeful 2012 will be better. Even though this was the hardest years of mine and Chuck's life, we feel we'd be betraying Lucy to say it was the worst. We heard our girl's first words. We saw Jack learn to read. We celebrated Easter, our daughters' first birthday and the removal of one helmet. Our girls became friends and Jack adored his sisters. Most of Lucy's life was spent at home, the place she loved best. Lucy wasn't going to die. We were already making plans of where would be the best places to live for Lucy's future medical care. I think a lot of people think that maybe this was easier because she was sick. We had as much hope for her as Jack or Hazel. I miss her so much. Someone told my husband this week that I need to, "get over it." I know they weren't meaning to be unkind, but I don't think I will ever "get over it." I don't think we are meant to get over those we love. I feel her pulling our family towards her. I don't want to forget everything she taught me.



I loved Easter this year and so did Lucy.


Jack being Chuck's son has no idea was this gear is even used for.


Happy girl.


Chuck did a 5k by the Kansas City temple.


I was so proud Lucy was able to learn to crawl. It took so much work for her.






One of Lucy's last days at home.


I love this picture of my niece with the girls.





Hmmm.


This picture of Hazel looks just like a Lucy face to me.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

9 comments:

Rachel Starchman said...

You will never "get over it" Eliza, she is your baby and always will be. Families ARE Forever, its the way its supposed to be. She will always be with you and apart of you and your whole family, her spot will always be there. Your not wrong, your doing exactly what any mommy would do. I have missed your blog posts dearly, but I completely understand. I have missed seeing Lucy's smiling face and all the courage she had and still has. When I glance by your blog, its a reminder of what your going through and that your Lucy is with Heavenly Father. We pray for you guys often and her memory is still very much alive. My very favorite quote that I found after one of my very best friends lost her baby boy a few years ago, is this one by Elizabeth Edwards, "If you know someone who has lost a child or lost anybody who's important to them, and you're afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died, they didn't forget they died. You're not reminding them. What you're reminding them of is that you remember that they lived, and that's a great, great gift."

Anaise said...

"Get over it?!?!?!?"

I'm sorry for that person.

May 2011 always be a treasured year for you!!

marie said...

Go ahead and mourn all you want, all you need to. People who truly have your best interests at heart are mourning with you. Those who tell you that you need to get over it just don't understand.

Even though Lucy is in a better place, I think that she misses you, too. I think she is anxiously awaiting the time she can be reunited with you, and be held in your arms again, and wrap her arms around your neck, and wipe your tears away. When you see her next, she will be whole and well, and you will have the joy of caring for her, and watching and helping her grow to adulthood. Oh, what a happy day that will be!

I hope you don't mind if I share a poem with you. I hope it brings you a little comfort.

Mother’s Lullaby

Low, lie low, my dear little one,
Under the starlight, under the sun.
Summer and winter roll soft o’er your head.
Sleep, gently sleep in your small earthen bed.

Yesterday, yesterday two little feet
Danced on their way, and the summer was sweet.
Faith whispers soft as I bid you goodnight.
My angel walks through a garden of light.

Blessed, oh blessed the day of our Lord,
Blessed the dead who shall rise at his word.
Blessed the angels who swing wide the door.
Blessed the time when I hold you once more.
Blessed the time when I hold you once more.

I found this poem many years ago and it made me cry then, but it makes me cry even more now, and I have never forgotten it. It's actually a song called "Pioneer Lullaby". Here's the link: http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/1980.htm/ensign%20june%201980.htm/pioneer%20lullaby%20.htm?fn=document-frame.htm

Thanks for posting pictures of Hazel and your family. I love to look at them, and I love to hear your stories about Hazel. I wish I could have met her.

marie said...

Oops! I feel dumb. I just realized I wrote Hazel instead of Lucy. I'm so sorry. I haven't forgotten her. I get my own kid's names mixed up all. the. time.

Tom/Tabitha said...

I'm sorry someone was so insensitive. The loss of a child in any way is never over. It isn't something to get over. It is something that becomes a part of you. Unless someone has been through it, they can only try and figure things out from the outside looking in. Don't listen to those who tell you things like that. You are always in our thoughts.

Honestly, we lost our Joseph 10 years ago. Am I "over it"? No. I have learned how to live with the loss, live without him, live with the pain, live with the memories, look forward to seeing him again, and make myself better because of all of it.

HUGS! Thank you for sharing another bit of yourself.

Tabitha

StrawberryBlond said...

I cannot believe someone was so clueless as to tell you to "get over it." That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. (Sorry, just makes me steaming mad!) You are allowed to have every feeling, emotion, thought, etc. that you have. It's part of healing. And there is no timetable! You are going to have good days, bad days, and everything in between. I, for one, am always impressed with your faith and outlook and I'm proud of you and Chuck for handling this YOUR WAY. I still pray for you guys and will probably never stop. Even though I've never had the privilege of meeting you, Eliza, or your wonderful children, I love you guys dearly. And Lucy has had a huge influence on me and taught me to treasure every day. Some days I do well, some days I stink at it, but she's my little reminder to try. Thank you for sharing your life with us.

We Joneses said...

Eliza, your words are so beautiful. Thank you for sharing your perspectives, because they truly give me strength. I'm so sorry that your family has to go through this. I've linked your story through my blog, I hope you don't mind.

M said...

you make me cry every time I read your blog. but that's a good thing. you are incredible Eliza and I have always admired your strength and your love for everyone around you, especially your children. I hope 2012 brings so many fun memories and experiences.

And obviously the person who said to "get over it" has never lost their child. Sometimes people say things that are so insensitive and ignorant; I know for me, when someone judges my son for how he is, I just end up feeling sorry for them, they just have no idea. It's hard. Don't get over it, you'll always have your little Lucy, and that's a beautiful thing.

Eilidh said...

Gorgeous pictures and wonderful memories. I really appreciate you sharing them with us. Hope everyone is keeping well and taking care of each other. Hugs to you all xxxx