Thursday, November 4, 2010

Long day

6:15-leave for hospital

7:00- fill out paperwork, talk to nurses, talk to anethsia, talk to nurse practitioner (we thought she seemed like a little bitty) and talk to her surgeon

8:30-we kissed Lucy good-bye and even though she was starving and pissed off she gave us one last beautiful smile as we handed her over to the nurses
-we went to a waiting room and began the waiting

10:15-My parents arrive

10:45ish- the nurse practitioner comes in panting. She was clearly very upset and frazzled. My first thought when I saw her was, something is really wrong, but it can't be Really wrong because she would never come to us like this if she was dead. The nurse began to explain how things were not going well with Lucy. Her heart rate was all over the place. They shocked her 4 times to get her heart pumping regularly but it hadn't worked. She had been put on a bypass machine but needed to be put on a long term life support machine called (ECMO). It was doing everything for her, pumping her blood, oxygenating it so that her heart could rest. She told us that it might be several days to possibly a week or more that she would be on this life support machine. We all panicked. We sat in silence. No one told me everything was going to be ok. No one said anything. Chuck and I both posted on facebook, asking for prayers. My mother called my sister and asked for her to get people in her ward to pray. Our Nurse practioner told us to pray. So we did.

10-20 minutes later- the nurse practitioner came back. This time she was calm but not smiling. I wanted to scream at her to leave the moment I saw her. She had come to tell us Lucy was dead. I knew this was why she came. She looked at me. She had so much pity in her eyes. There was no trace of the bitty that she had been before. I wanted to hit her. She didn't tell us Lucy was dead. I don't know what she said. All I remember hearing was that Lucy was still not doing well, but she was alive.

Who knows how long later- a social worker showed me a room just off the waiting room where we could use if we needed. It was a room that they use to let parents sleep in at night. I took Chuck in there. I held him as he sobbed. I have never seen Chuck do that and it scared me to death. I told him I knew Lucy would be ok but I didn't. The truth is I had felt like Heavenly Father had been preparing me to lose her. The past few days Chuck and I have been talking about the joy our daughters have brought to our lives. I had a dream the other night where I was on the beach with him and our children. They were a couple of years older and it really was the best dream I ever had. I kept thinking that maybe these past few days were Heavenly Father's gift to us, so that we would always remember her so perfectly.

A few minutes later- we were moved to a private waiting room. We were told the Dr. would be with us shortly. I tried to make jokes. No one felt like laughing. We waited a long time. I knew something was wrong. It had been too long. It was. The nurse practitioner came back with pitty all over her face again. She told us that they had been on their way with Lucy to the ICU when she started bleeding. They took her back to the O.R. and found that she was bleeding out from her sutures. She was bleeding because of the anticoagulants she was on. She had to be on them to make the ECMO machine possible. She had to be on the ECMO to keep her heart pumping. She couldn't be on the machine because she'd bleed out. Hmmm... DILEMA. They took her off and just had to wait. Then we had to wait....

After waiting awhile- the nurse came back in. She told us Lucy was off ECMO and was working her heart by herself. I couldn't believe it. We should have been thrilled but the day had been filled with so much bad news we hardly knew what to think.

Later maybe about 2 or 3ish- the nurse came back with the doctor. He told us he couldn't explain how she recovered. I began to feel like the worst might be over.

3ish maybe?- Chuck and I see Lucy for the first time. Her chest is still open. It's covered with bandages but you can see it beating. It freaks me out.

Now- She's intubated through one nostril. She has another tube suctioning out her stomach. She has lines coming out everywhere. One in her neck. IV's in both hands but she looks pretty good. She's having problems with her kidneys, and she is completely snowed (a new word I learned today). They may or may not be closing her chest tomorrow morning. We'll just have to wait and see.

When Hazel had her surgery there was a time I thought she was going to die. I was terrified but today I was preparing myself for it. I began questioning my faith. I asked myself , would I accept this if it were Heavenly Father's will for her? I had to take a really hard look at myself. It was a little scary.

Prayers were answered today. I will forever be grateful for those prayers. My sister Katie could also use some prayers tonight. She is also in the hospital with kidney failure. I know her kids are worried so if you could keep them in mind too. Thank you so much.


The Izant's said...

Liza. Oh my gosh. I am so extremely grateful Lucy is okay. Heavenly Father is definitely watching over all of you right now. But you already know that. You will all continue to be in my prayers & I will be praying for Katie too. Love ya.

Abraham and Sara said...

Oh my goodness! I don't know how you made it through today. I am so glad little Lucy is okay. You were in my thoughts all day and will continue to be. Love you cousin!

Em said...

Eliza, you are the strongest person I have ever known. It is amazing the emotional roller coasters and tests of our faith Heavenly Father allows, but when miracles like your girls happen, there is just no way you can deny Heavenly Father's existence and love. I spent all afternoon thinking and praying for you and your beautiful family, and I know so many people were doing the same. I think I will always pray for you. Hang in there, and always remember that you are amazing and the power of your faith as a mother is one that no one can take away from you. Love you Eliza!

Christin Foscarini said...

liza liza! to much for any parent! Im so amazed at your strength. I have been praying for lucy and will continue too. love you guys!

LeeAnne said...

I have been praying for her all day. I have tears in my eyes right now. I am so grateful that she is doing as well as she is after all that. I will continue to pray for her.

Sheridy said...

I am so sorry that your family had to go through this especially Lucy. I'm so glad that she is doing ok for the moment. At times like this it makes you greatful for the time you have with your family, and for the priestood. I'll keep you all in my prayers.

Sandra and Dave said...

Hang in there, you guys. Heavenly Father is in charge. He loves Lucy so much. You have so much support and so many people praying.

The Finlinsons said...

Worst post ever. We're praying for you. Hope the next post is the best post ever. Sounds like things are looking up...hopefully they continue!

StrawberryBlond said...

We'll keep praying. So glad that things have turned around for the better so far. I think you are stronger than you realize and it just takes tests like these to help you understand. Not that that helps... I would've been making jokes, too. Sometimes that's all you can do!

Again, you are ALL still in our prayers (including Katie and her family).

Carlie said...

Liza and Chuck- What a day. I hope tomorrow goes better. I am so grateful for you two. Your babies are teaching us all many important lessons. What a strong little spirit Lucy must be. Everytime they make it through these trials that seem too hard to make it through, I can't help but think of their amazing spirits. They are going to grow up and what a blessing it will be to know how strong they started this earthly trial. I know this must be such a roller coaster minute by minute. I hope you feel how much love and support we all feel for you. I know Heavenly Father will help you get through this. Love you.

Anaise said...

Hi--it's Anaise--from your ward. I found your blog via someone else in the ward, and I've been quietly reading and praying for you.

I'm so sorry for your horrible, scary, impossible day. I'm so sorry that your little daughter is in such a fragile state. I'm so sorry that your heart is breaking at the same time it is hoping.

Heavenly Father is asking you to do something that is impossible. But if He is asking the impossible, then He plans to help you somewhere along the way.

I know this--He asked me to do something impossible once or twice, too. And He did make it possible, eventually.

Please know that your family, especially your angel Lucy, is in my prayers.

Noelle said...

I love you cousin. You and your entire family are in my prayers.

Kateka said...

Hey! I've been following your blog for I have no idea how long. Do you remember me? I am a friend of Chuck's from highschool, but you and I met at USU in 2002-2003. Anyway, I hope you don't think I am total psycho.

Thank you for sharing this experience with your audience. I have been anxious to see how things are going. I am so happy that little Lucy is such a fighter. You will all definitely be in my prayers. God bless you!

Becca Jane said...

My heart just pounded as I read this. I'm happy the post ended the way it did! I have been reading in 2 Nephi, and I was hit by the passage in 2 Nephi 2:1-3. The Lord KNOWS our sorrows and afflictions, and He promises that they will be for our GAIN. What a comfort that our trials aren't random and we aren't alone. Thank you for sharing your experiences, I have learned so much. Love you guys!